Okay...Fine!

I'll admit. I've been trying a new approach to relationships. Now, I know I tend to change with my surroundings (my pesonality) and therefore am sometimes very introverted and sometimes can't shut my mouth. Anyway, I feel like no one wants to know me anymore (like they don't take the time to try and actually SEE me). So... I've been trying a new approach. I'm not writing to any of my friends anymore and am no longer telling Christopher most things about me (yes, even he is not pursuing me). Well, I'm trying to refrain anyway. It hasn't been easy. Perhaps my lovelies just need some space before they realize that they can actually miss me (amazing, I know) or perhaps it's true that I've been struggling to keep a dying relationship alive (which I oftentimes do). I don't know what else to say. That's why I haven't been posting. I figure there's no point if no one ever reads it. But then I started thinking and...it's not for others. It's to let things out (but not all things b/c people can still read it). What else to say then... I've been having some weird physical problems lately. Went to the doctor today. Found out for sure on one thing, but that makes me even more nervous about what's going on (my doctor can't run any more tests until the middle of February b/c of their policies on this certain-type problem). Anyway, so I'm nervous that something seriously screwed up, but...I don't know. Sometimes I just want to cry and cry hard. It's not so much like me though. I hate the winter months and don't know how to feel better. I hate that. School's starting, so I'm hoping that will help (but it also means I have to walk around in the freaking freezing weather everyday...which I hate). Oh well. It hurts...