SUPERMAN

To begin, I love the thought of being one of my mommy's happy thoughts. That in itself brightens my day. I didn't see any penguins or hippos at the zoo (I was very dissapointed about the penguins and asked if they had them first...) Our zoo in Fargo is definitely not the same as the DFW zoo. Then again, isn't DFW still ranked #1 in the US? Oh well, this one was nice because we had enough time to walk through it twice while taking our time and actually reading about the animals, unlike DFW where you struggle to run throughout the entire thing in one day (or so it feels). It was nice. I had a cow in the petting zoo lick my hand and it looked like he had poop in his mouth and got it all over me. Nasty!!! Thanks for the happiness. I appreciate the encouragement about not having killed him (and remaining alive myself) so far. And... I used to pray to God... Why was I made a girl? Guys had it so easy... However, over time... I'm glad I don't have to shave my face everyday. At least with legs, you can just wear pants and it'll cover it up. The clincher was when I was about fifteen and I read in a magazine about a boy who'd written "dear whoever" who was talking about how he had major problems keeping...himself under control and often-times had to sit alone at parties with a pillow on his lap... Gross. Then I decided, with all that comes with it, that I was glad I was a girl. I'm listening to Disney songs right now. If you could, pray for my friend Ana who's being tested for diabetes this week. She's also getting her wisdom teeth out on Friday? On to the most important event in my life as of now... Yost and I just got back from watching Superman Returns. Ohmigosh. Don't I ever love Superman. I'm told that I have to wait until September to watch the next season of Smallville (which I'm addicted to but no longer have television so I've done without for almost an entire year). Now I've got Yost convinced he needs to watch all of the old ones with me (we own the first two and I have the others at my store). Also, we sold two more items on ebay and half.com so that's good. Yea for slowly making our money back on our schoolbooks and whatnot. I find it the devil that we have to pay $50 for a book that the school either doesn't buy back or only pays $10 or less for. That's total padoody. Thought of the day: I didn't get the position that I was really, really wanting. I'll be honest. I wanted it because it would make things easier on me and Yost. Free rent and I'd only have to work 20 hours a week to get paid about the same amount as when I work 45 now (that's including rent in there, so it averages out about the same)... That wasn't all. We've been praying about a child for quite a while now. No need to gripe at me or yell or even try to convince. I'm pretty sure we've been through it all. If it were up to just us, we'd go for it. However, we've been waiting for the go-ahead from Him. Seems to have been a constant no. Makes me sad. I doubt. Then I doubt some more. Then some more. I prayed and told him that if we got this position, then I'd take that as the final sign of a yes and if we didn't as a final sign (for now) of a no. Well, we didn't. Then I started thinking about it. Why in the hell should He give us the go-ahead to extend our family when we're not constantly trying to become more like Him now? Like, we're not horrible people (most of the time) or anything, but we're also not consistently reading the Bible anymore and we're only (practically) praying before meals. Something's changed. Granted, I knew when we got married that things would change. But it went from reading the Bible practically everyday in high school and praying several times a day (sometimes small and sometimes big) to reading the Bible randomly (very randomly) now and pretty much only praying when I want/need something. Why have I drifted? How can I get back? It's so much easier to read books about studying the Bible than to do it just by myself. I have been reading a lot lately, but about different topics. Anyway, point being that, for now, (tear) it is not the right time. I can slightly understand that. I want our children to grow up in the best enviroment possible (and that is surely a house that's built on His word). So, goal number one for now is to get back to where I was, constantly trying to grow more into Him and more of Him into me. Yet, a part of me (the rebellious side) still wants to just try for it and hope He blesses us no matter what. I won't though. Don't worry. Promise... Pretty sure I promise anyway. It's obviously not the right time and I want the best for our children, ourselves, and the rest of our family and friends. Don't I ever hate hard decisions. "And she won't say a word until you kiss the girl." Good times. I love you all and thanks so much for taking the time to read my amazingly long post of the difficulties and weirdnesses and all that whatnot of my life. ~K