Off to see the wizard?
This has to be fast b/c Yost and I are going to see a movie in precisely an hour. I watched Tristan and Isolde last night. I hate it and I love it at the same time. It was the Romeo and Juliet before there was Romeo and Juliet...Plus, there was loads of fighting. I hated it because...Just like Memoirs of a Geisha...Why in the poop do people feel obligated to have sex just because they're supposed to? Stupid gay freaking retarded a... Anyway, I think I've decided I definitely don't like it. Was able to read outside for an hour: My new book: The Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples. I like it. With all of those books, there are a few things I find very relevant and a few things that I already have in practice or don't think they apply to me/us. Whatever. I like it for the most part. We'll see how the rest of it is. I just got really nervous today because I'm the matron of honor at my friend, Ana's wedding. I'm very nervous. What if I end up dissapointing her? What if I end up forgetting something or what if I end up saying something dumb or what if she just ends up deciding that she'd rather've had someone else, or no one at all, besides me? I know how important this day is for her...but what if I end up being the one dissapointing thing about it? I don't want to take the shine off of her that entire week, but what if I do? What if I end up being all of the things I know I don't want to be? I'm nervous. Very nervous. Nervous I won't stand up to what I want to be for her. Nervous that it will be more of a financial strain than I've been planning for. Nervous I'll be the one who's dissapointed once all's said and done. She deserves the best. I want to give her that. What if I don't? What if I can't? So much has been going on. I'm so tired from work (this is my only day off this week with one day being a double shift). Problems at work are maximizing by the day, seemingly. I don't want to be continually let down...with my job...with my school...with myself. Why have I lost the joy I once had? Or worse... What if I've only ever been fooling myself. Then, I started thinking once again about life goals and wondering if I'm where I should be/want to be. Thinking about too many things. Perhaps that's my problem today. Good news: I bought more yarn that I love. Bad news: I lost a stitch three rows back and don't want to take the time and effort to frog and restitch, so I'm just adding one at the top. It'll probably screw me over in the long run. Brings me to another point: Do I normally cut corners? I've always thought that, in pretty much everything, I do my best because I take a lot of pride in my work. However, thinking back, have I ever (in anything) tried my absolute hardest or do I always hold back? Do I honestly think of others or do I do things simply for my own pleasure? This is my first month off of bc. Weird for most of you to hear, probably. I was wondering if my bad attitude was being affected by that. However, now, I seem to be questioning things more than ever. What's wrong with me?
posted by Kiersten H. @ 3:34 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I don't think that there's anything wrong with you and neither does my alternate personality Raul. But seriously I do the same things every once in a while. I just have to remember that I can't do anything by myself. Everything that I can do has been given to me as a gift and that's what I try to use. Everything else I just rely on the gifts that God has given to other people. It's crazy that I don't have the control that I think I want.
All the questioning is natural. Everyone goes through phases of life where there are a lot of questions and this is probably just one of them. Coming off of bc can be tough on some people too- hormones are changing, the body is adjusting... that can effect your emotional state.
As for the dropped stitch, you can pick them up and work them up over rows for future problems, but I think the way you handled it was fine. Just thread a little yarn through the dropped loop and weave it in so it doesn't run down the whole thing. No one will see it in that fluffy yarn. Every early project has issues like that. Over time (should you continue knitting), you will learn how to fix them without ripping out :)
Yes, I agree with Dana that questioning is normal, and also that the whole bc issue could DEFINITELY be affecting your moods. May I ask why you've decided to quit it?
I also think it's normal that you're very tired - look at your life right now - you've had about a month off from basically working an 80 hour work week for 5 months (school + work). You're still working, plus you're going to be diving back into it all over again in less than 2 months. You have every right to be a little off right now!
As for me, I just eat everything in the house, and then it's all better.
Try it - you might like it...
Okay, I must clarify my earlier comment about eating everything in the house.
There is something called literary sarcasm. I like to employ it a lot.
I agree. Please don't eat everything in the house!! And we all know that none of us want to look like our mothers!!! (no offense, maniac momma - I think your daughter is an amazing young woman, which means she must have had an amazing mother! Congrats!)
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