Friday, October 31, 2008

Count your blessings, name them one by one

As I have not been myself lately, I've decided to put myself on a strict diet of exercise, spiritual time, personal time, and every morning, I'm finding my three things that I'm especially grateful for this day.

Today it was:

Having a husband that's alive and in front of me
Having a job that I greatly enjoy
Being able to own animals and having a yard for Q to play in

^at least I think those were the ones from today, but you get the point of what I'm trying to accomplish

Monday, October 13, 2008

I'm hungry

I tend to really enjoy food. I wonder the cause of this. Is it because I grew up in a family where most of our interactions were based around food? Is it because food shows abundance? Is it because I'm fat and don't know it yet? I don't know, but whatever the reason, I REALLY enjoy making food, eating food, and socializations that happen because of food.

We moved in this weekend. Today we're planning on cleaning the rest of the apt and then we'll be done with it.

On the one hand, I've been in a minimalistic phase lately, getting rid of about a fourth of our random stuff that we own, but never need. But on the other hand, I'm considering buying another (insert item here). I think what makes life so interesting when married is that it seems that values, even if similar, still seem to be vastly different. Ex: Even if you both agree to save a certain percentage of income, it is controversial about where the "spend" money should go. Life makes me laugh sometimes. (and sometimes I laugh at inappropriate times...and sometimes I laugh so hard in my head that I can't hear others...gosh...now I sound like a freak).

To end, I shall say that I was hoping to eat lunch an hour ago, and the husband came to eat with me, but work happened and I'm now hoping I'll be able to eat in the next half hour or so because I keep snacking on things. Plus, I was craving salads really bad last week (and had several and they were all delicious) and now I'm praying that I can make Shrimp Scampi sometime within the next week because that's another thing I've been wanting since I had it at Red Lobster and I bought everything to make it...but it'll be my first time. Plus, I love food so much, that I spent as much as I'm supposed to (almost) in a month at the grocery store this last week. Ouch?

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Am I a downer?

Why is it that I feel I used to be a much happier, more joyful person than I am today? What made the change and why? And especially, how can I truly feel and show others God's joy again? Don't get me wrong: I get that I'm totally blessed. I know that. I acknowledge it. I try to revel in the gloriousness of it. And yet, somehow, I still feel like I'm not actually joyful. Deep down, there's a sadness...or a resentment...or a shame. I'm not really sure which, but it's very wrong and I don't want to be that type of person.