Depression, huh?

I've been wondering about that. What is it that makes depression depression and not just a bad week...or month...or year. Did some research. Seems like half of them I might've experienced and half of them I definitely haven't. So, does that mean I'm half depressed? That's sorta like saying you can be almost pregnant. Nope. Doesn't work. No pregnancy. No depression. I did take some tests though. Authentic Happiness Index: 57. CES-D Scale: 18. VIA Signature Strengths Survey: Industry, diligence and perseverance. So... Apparently, I'm moderately depressed. Interesting... Well, at least I'm not severely depressed. I'm going to eat biscuits with my husband now.

I'm so tired

Got a third of my list crossed off. Threw up last week. Had to clean up someone else's puke. Vomit is disgusting and just plain sad. Worn out is pathetic, especially when it's the summer and I don't even have school. Whatever happened to my nice, long, relaxing summer vacation? At least I had Grasshoppers (Fudge Shoppe) today. I'm tired...and not just like "get eight hours of sleep and I'll feel better tired". Why does it seem like things keep getting harder and harder? Why does it seem nothing ever goes right? Why is it that once I finally get one thing finished, five things fill up it's place? Why do I feel so distant? From everyone? Is it me? Is it just this time in my life? Do I try and change it or just accept it? At least I had Tropical Punch Kool-Aid made with Splenda. Yost and I are trying to get off of soda (and it's doing well, but we now drink much more koolaid and we're also drinking more juice). Goodness. I drank FIVE bottles of water at work on Saturday. It was crazy. I had to pee three times. Made me laugh...and then sorta wanna cry. You see my point? What's that all about? What happened to my happy help everyone attitude? Now I still want to help everyone but am not as happy as before and rarely laugh and...it's stinky. I do love you all and thanks for reading my blabbing. I'm very lucky to have the friends I do. Very blessed indeed. Dios le bendiga.

Pigs

Someone(s) took the liberty of breaking into and going through all of the whatnot in my car. I've decided that, against my Christian nature, I hope he/she/they die a horrible death within the next twenty-four hours. I'm sick of people being freaking retards and ruining other people. Fine then. I hope that something happens in each of their lives that makes them learn valuable lessons and become un-tards.

What's up with seven?

Two days in a row. Ayer at least I was able to fall back asleep. Today I wasn't able to stay in bed for longer than seven-thirty. Not happy! Plus, it took me forever to fall asleep and I kept waking up. Ended up sleeping upside down on the bed with no pillows. What's that all about? About sneaking my baby into the apartment...Impossible. In case no one knows, she's the loudest girl in the entire world. I do declare. She drives me crazy when I'm around her and I seriously considered moving so that I could bring her here but then decided that was stupid b/c of the money and location issues. Fine then, whatever. Sad. I have lots to do today and I'm excited to see something (anything) accomplished. I just got really sad. Why?

Eek

First of all, Dana and I went out to watch The Lakehouse ayer and out to Nichole's for a snack and some talk. That was loads of fun. I like getting out and doing something slightly different every once and a while. Plus, she's a very interesting person. One of my ebay buyers said they never received the item, so I've decided Yost gets to deal with that and what's going on. I finished all but the hood on my lavender mini-sweater that I'm knitting. I read the comments on an earlier post and thought there might be a showdown between my mom and Heather, hence the title. Good times. Good times. I have to work later today. Why does it feel my break wasn't long enough? Sad times. Oh well. I don't know what I'll do today: Watch a movie while knitting, Lay in the sun reading, Go on a long walk??? I'm listening to Power FM right now. Don't I ever love that station. Good 'ole Texas. I'm going...

3 Days in a Row?

Seriously... How pathetic is it? Three days off in a row and I'm about to cry I'm so happy? So far, I've slept in two days, I've gone to knitting night and learned the next step, I've read my book outside for almost an hour, I've made some cards and finished a project I've had sitting around for quite a while...Oh yeah... And I just finished season one of Bridezillas. That show is pretty funny. What can I say? I need something to entertain the other part of my brain while I sit and knit endlessly (it seems, at least.) Now, I've just finished checking my e-mail and blogs and am about to spend too much money buying books online for next semester. I'm actually pretty excited about it because, although I haven't budgeted for it this month, Yost researched and found that only three (or two) of our books can't be bought online and the others we'll save anywhere from twenty to forty dollars...on each!!! That's crazy. Makes me really angry at the school. It's not like they don't screw us over enough in other areas. Oh well. It's not like I can really do anything about it. Plus, at my job, I screw over people too. When people come in and sell movies to my store, I admit that I'm mean. I was trained by the lovely Jon and have surpassed him in his low-balling methods. I've had five? people so far deny my offers that are psychotically low. I can't help it. It's mean. I know. Oh well. I plead the fifth about the birth control, but I will assure everyone that I'm not pregnant and don't plan on being for at least another year (or even trying for that long or whatever). Yost changed his major back. In a way, it makes me more comfortable because I don't really want to be stressed about money after we graduate as much as we do now (actually...we don't that much, but I want to make sure I don't have to much later either). I want to know that, if I want to, I can take three years off of work to be with our children as they grow. On the other hand, though, I want him to be happy in his job (and neither of us knows what will make him happy that way...or, rather, what will make him the happiest and most fulfilled). Plus, now, he's going to graduate a year? ahead of me. What does that mean for us? I'm going to graduate. I've always known that. Does that mean he's going to find a job for only a year in Fargo or does that mean we'll be apart for a year or does that mean??? That will be the end of this post. Lastly, I'll write that, if you read this, MOM, post a new entry...please... I love you all. ~K

Off to see the wizard?

This has to be fast b/c Yost and I are going to see a movie in precisely an hour. I watched Tristan and Isolde last night. I hate it and I love it at the same time. It was the Romeo and Juliet before there was Romeo and Juliet...Plus, there was loads of fighting. I hated it because...Just like Memoirs of a Geisha...Why in the poop do people feel obligated to have sex just because they're supposed to? Stupid gay freaking retarded a... Anyway, I think I've decided I definitely don't like it. Was able to read outside for an hour: My new book: The Complete Financial Guide for Young Couples. I like it. With all of those books, there are a few things I find very relevant and a few things that I already have in practice or don't think they apply to me/us. Whatever. I like it for the most part. We'll see how the rest of it is. I just got really nervous today because I'm the matron of honor at my friend, Ana's wedding. I'm very nervous. What if I end up dissapointing her? What if I end up forgetting something or what if I end up saying something dumb or what if she just ends up deciding that she'd rather've had someone else, or no one at all, besides me? I know how important this day is for her...but what if I end up being the one dissapointing thing about it? I don't want to take the shine off of her that entire week, but what if I do? What if I end up being all of the things I know I don't want to be? I'm nervous. Very nervous. Nervous I won't stand up to what I want to be for her. Nervous that it will be more of a financial strain than I've been planning for. Nervous I'll be the one who's dissapointed once all's said and done. She deserves the best. I want to give her that. What if I don't? What if I can't? So much has been going on. I'm so tired from work (this is my only day off this week with one day being a double shift). Problems at work are maximizing by the day, seemingly. I don't want to be continually let down...with my job...with my school...with myself. Why have I lost the joy I once had? Or worse... What if I've only ever been fooling myself. Then, I started thinking once again about life goals and wondering if I'm where I should be/want to be. Thinking about too many things. Perhaps that's my problem today. Good news: I bought more yarn that I love. Bad news: I lost a stitch three rows back and don't want to take the time and effort to frog and restitch, so I'm just adding one at the top. It'll probably screw me over in the long run. Brings me to another point: Do I normally cut corners? I've always thought that, in pretty much everything, I do my best because I take a lot of pride in my work. However, thinking back, have I ever (in anything) tried my absolute hardest or do I always hold back? Do I honestly think of others or do I do things simply for my own pleasure? This is my first month off of bc. Weird for most of you to hear, probably. I was wondering if my bad attitude was being affected by that. However, now, I seem to be questioning things more than ever. What's wrong with me?

Second Day At The Nursery

'Twas our second day at the nursery yesterday. Good times. Good times. We had five children total, only ever four at a time because one got picked up early because he wouldn't stop screaming. There was probably only five minutes total where there wasn't one child who was crying/screaming. No offense, but I think it was a good thing for Yost to see. The last time, we got two well-behaved children and he seemed to not see how life truly is in the world of young'ns. Good things to know. I'm dissapointed that I won't be able to go to knitting tonight (it was canceled because of the fourth of July). However, now I'll have some time to rest. I think...four?...times in a row I'm having to close one night and open the next morning. That sucks, but today should be really slow and I'll be able to relax a bit. I get really sick of having to pick up the slack seemingly all the time. Like, doesn't anyone else give a darn about their job performance anymore? I take pride in what I do and want it to be good. If I see something that needs to get done, I do it, whether it'll help myself out or whether it'll help a coworker out. Why do I seem to be the only one like that? I even left a list of three (yes, that is a very small list) things that needed to get done ayer before I got there. Want to know what got done? Yeah. You guessed it. Nada. Actually, the lovely child added to the list, which of course made me more angry. And, I could've understood if it was busy, but it wasn't AND I found the chair in the corner (making me thing he'd just been sitting there all day). So, I've decided that today will be my day to read and then I'll make sure to point the list out to him this night. I don't know what else to do. Gay. I love you all and am amazed you put up with my blabbing. P.S. I still miss my baby. P.P.S. My dad's b-day was two days ago and they went to a water park and he's now officially 41 years old...A dinosaur...Yes. I know. LOL

Work...stinks, yeah, stinks

So, I had to close last night and open this morning. Taxes changed in Fargo today. Went down by .05. That means I had to change everything in our computer as well as running all of the reports for June. Suck. So, I had to come in early (after closing last night) and then...about 10:15-10:30, my closer walks in and tells me her mom's been in a car wreck. Of course I tell her to go to her family. There's no way I'm going to make her work. However, little do I think... It's Saturday night, so everyone who's not already working has major plans... So, I got off of work at about two and am going back at six. Suck. Oh well, in a way, I brought it on myself. For the rest of the ness...I'll talk about Isaac, simply because he asked my mom to write an entire entry about it. This isn't an entire one, but it'll be most of one. Let's see. Ike is about 5'12 and pretty skinny-ish. We were (I think) great friend the end of high school and still talk sometimes. He's one of the friendliest people I've ever met and has that amazing ability to make people laugh. Granted, sometimes, his stories don't make much sense to most people, but once you understand that about him, it just makes him all that more interesting. His mom is Amy and she likes to laugh and dad (step) is Troy and he's cool too. Then, there's the siblings: Philip, Eduardo, and...Lynae (I don't remember...but I remember there's a cousin or something named Elle or some whatnot like that). He really does love peanut butter and eats it way too much. Hey, I know you're reading this...Have you ever tried mixing peanut butter and vanilla (or chocolate) ice cream together? I had a friend in college who did that. Weird. The only other thing I'm going to say is that he forgot his sunglasses at the Henry-Luedtke-Yost house during our visit to Texas and when he came back to get them, I was stuck outside talking to someone who was about to make me cry...Ugh...Dumb people. So, I hope you all enjoyed learning about my friend. Now I'm gonna go and make a b-day card for another friend. Oh yeah, everyone who's gotten this far: send me your b-day. I love them and love celebrating them, but obviously can't if I don't know what your birthday is. God loves you and so do I. (I'm eating cinnamon bites)