Hm...

So I'm torn between being extremely annoyed and extremely overjoyed. About six months ago, I realized my feelings had disappeared. Don't ask me how or why, but I could "act" how I would normally be feeling, but feelings in general were gone from my life. Being the overly talkative and somewhat emotional person that I am, this was extremly out of the norm. Long story short, I decided to try and wait it out. It's definitely gotten better...now I feel like my emotions are kicking into overtime. Feeling several different emotions so strongly at once is very off after my previous experience. I don't know if I should be upset that my emotions are running wild or grateful... Now I'm wondering if they'll swing back to the other side of the pendulum or if I should expect this for a while...and it makes me nervous that previous existences of inappropriate things in my life might've returned. I'm hoping for the best.

Boo hoo

I'm sorta having to try not to cry this morning for reasons that will remain unnamed.

I pray for wisdom and strength and encouragment.

How are you feeling today (chart)? Answer: Hopeful

This weekend, we got all of the wall paneling off in the master bedroom. This morning, I called to order a small dumpster to be put in our driveway so that we can start some more deconstruction. For my birthday this year, I wanted to finish (at least for the most part) the master bedroom, which has been in shambles since about October. We currently have already taken out the carpet, taken out two of the three closets, taken off all of the paneling on the walls, which included opening up 1/2 of the window that had been covered, and 1 wall has been mostly deplastered and de-lathed. Now we just have to wait for a dumpster to be able to haul away some of the junk before we can take off the plaster and lathe from the other three walls and then we're just about ready for the RECONSTRUCTION!!! I'm so excited. You don't even know. Plus, if we have enough room, I'm going to throw away the old carpet padding and probably carpet that we'd pulled up from inside the house (although I'm hoping to use a little of the decent carpet for the basement). We'll see how it all goes. It was sorta expensive to get the dumpster, but I think it will be well worth the time we'll have saved and the effort and all that whatnot.

I almost don't mind the fact that it's 16 degrees right now (-2 with windchill) and that we'll have to walk home in the several inches of snow because there's a possibility that when we get home, there will be a dumpster waiting for me. Woo hoo!

I want pizza tonight. Oh well, I guess I'll eat homemade lasagna instead.

Happiness

Let me preface that I'm more of a roller-coaster emotion person than, say, otherwise. Yep. That was pretty much it. I've been trying to teach myself to feel the effect of the blessings that are poured down upon me, but it's been very hard in the past. It's still hard. Really hard. But I think I might be getting better at acknowledging disappointments without getting totally wrapped up in them... Not sure though. It's hard to not let the bad things get you down, but still be able to get all of the good feelings that happen when something good (although dumb and small, like the scanner at work getting fixed and working much better than before, hence I can hopefully finish my long-term project by then end of this week...) happens. Can it be done? I'm not sure, but I'm sure hoping it can because I love being able to fly in the wings of joy almost more than anything else, but would prefer to not get so frustrated/angry/sad when things don't go according to plan. Shrug of the shoulders. I'm just grateful that today has been very blessed and I've not only been able to acknowledge that, but I'm also "feeling" it. I hope the same is true for anyone who reads this.